broken, and then some

boys just love games. its a pretty fucked up mentality to just continually fuck with peoples heads, but most boys...get off on it.

last night this dude who i was thinking was totally witty and sorta kinda cute was preoccupying my mind for once. keeping me blinded from the scene behind me which i am trying to move from(was doing quite well at that for a hot minute too!). and sure enough after my relentless flirting he takes me aside. and out it came "so, whats up with your friend?? she makes me really nervous. you think i have a chance?"

the forever battle. when you have a beautiful, hot, endearing, and humorous best friend that without a doubt is going to turn heads, stop traffic and steal attention from every boy in every room. i am hardly ever that girl unless its a room of gunthers, larrys, or uglies in general.

And I knew. I knew he wanted her. I also knew, he didn't have a shot. As most dudes don't, cause she can afford to be picky. And I let that poor sucker know it. "Not a chance."

About an hour passed and everyone was drunker and my heart was hurting because I knew my previous heartthrob was still somewhere NOT thinking about me, and this new one was next to me thinking about her and we were all on our own shitty planets wishing for things we weren't going to have.

And as usual we re-capped the night on the way home. Apparently, this boy had taken her aside and claimed he had a thing for ME. He got "nervous" and thought asking about her would make me jealous. He "thought i was seeing someone else" aka dude behind us.

What a game. what a sham! Not even have we began a single thing, and already i get yanked around. Let's just fuck with her. Let me make her jealous before I even know if she likes me? what kinda bull crap is that? I am gullible. I fall for lines. I fall for the insensitive shitheads who say things in drunken stuppers and does enough drugs to say sweet things every now and then. So perhaps this is the man for me.

But for once, as broken as i already am right now, i thought about it, and it was real. this was real. if this is the behavior of this turd after no real deal shit, no kisses, no hangouts, not even exchange of a number...then was the fuck is the point? Fall for one more jerk and fuck myself up again?

chasing my tail again. I have been having a great week. feeling good. confidence that i hadn't had in a while. and this didn't exactly ruin that. but it just reminded me, nothing falls in your lap. i invest too much of myself in finding attention of the perfect dude to hang with.

its not love i seek...it's just someone who is gunna get something that no one else seems to get and when we hangout it doesnt matter that other shit is going on around us cuz i'm there and all we need is to do to be entertained.

anyways. i just watched the sex in the city movie and was totally bummed that i am not rich. cuz money is the shit and i would really like to be a totally wealthy bitch who can swim in my pool of diamonds and have 7 ipods in various forms and a kitten ranch with a team of experts inventing jet packs on our acres of land and a babycham factory that hot mexicans work at. And i am pretty sure that money also buys love.

THE END.