Getting Official

As most people know of me, I am scared shitless of commitments. I can't makes decisions, be tied down or responsible for anything. It's a flaw, shit, it's a curse. I wanna be able to say "YES"....but I am totally a "NO" girl. My sister always says "Want to hangout?" and I say "Ummm, MAYBE?" can't even commit to hanging the fuck out. "molly, what's your major?" EW. I've had 3. My cat has 10 names. Let's not even discuss the dude factor. So, moving? holy diver.

I want to move to Portland. This I know is truth. I imagine the possibilities and the hot mens, and the new life Stella and I could have. It's a rainy image but something that sparks a serious interest for me. New life. New dramas to be had. Perhaps even stop being a total douche in life and get an act together. One man band, even.

But then I get cold ass feet. It'll be rainy. No damn jobs. I dunno how to make friends. Am I just following Nancy? I don't think I am, but it would seem that way to most.
I say "I am moving to Portland in June." and yet, when it gets down to it...I think BUT this and BUT that.
I know it's time to move on. Pretty sure Oakland has nothing left to offer me. I seen it, I did it, I'm over it.
I bet my raging going away party would be epic. And I would cry. And I would dance. And I could totally get away with making out with everyone.
I just dunno if I will ever get official, for anything or anyone. I did it once, didn't pan out. Effort is something I prefer to stay away from.
I'd pack a suit case of shitty memories and total nostalgia.