it seems my life is pretty meaningless and time is passing me by and i provide myself with the entertainment of booze, boys, and movies. i dont think i even want that to change. a good laugh at a dumb joke and a dance party at 4am make me want to keep it like this.forevershittyinmyshittyness. the refusal to grow up and be a something or an anything. gabe and i discussed living short lives. a depressing late night convo, to say the least. but then i started to realize i was not the only one living this way. day to day...not trying to figure it out. and preferably not living a sad sack old person life.
i know one day i might have to get real. maybe it will take a stint in rehab or a vakay in the looney bin to whip this head into conventional shape.
these days happiness is a cold babycham. a hottub. an air-fiddle. a dance party. a makeout sesh. a fake mustache. cable tv. kitty cuddles. fleece sheets. pills.
when i woke up this morning, it was cold as fuck and i was having an anxiety attack. i couldn't breathe. my mind wanted me to be okay and my body wouldn't let me. i had to leave as quick as i could. because we can't let anything get real or serious. but it's sure fun to pass the time the way it was the night before. i get it, and it adds to the list of bad moves.
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